Let Me Help
by Smeagol Fasir Kenobi
Summary: Okay, remember that episode where Q wants to join the crew of the Enterprise? This is what happens in some alternate timeline where he actually gets to.
1. Captain Picard has a Change of Mind

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine. Q is not mine. Drat.

Chapter One

"I knew it was you!" announced the woman who had suddenly come up from behind the counter.

I was a little startled. I'd thought we were alone. Of course, I couldn't let Picard know that. "You!" My voice may have betrayed me a little there. "Picard, if you had half the sense you pretend to have, you'd get her off your ship immediately. And if you wish, I'd be more than pleased to expedite her departure." I raised a hand.

Too late. She immediately raised hers in defense. Lesson number one: act first, gloat later. Not doing so was more or less why I had to leave the Q continuum.

"You know him?" the Captain asked her. As if it wasn't obvious.

"We have had some dealings," she replied in her normal, calm, even voice.

"Those dealings were two centuries ago," I objected. "This creature is not what she appears to be. She's an imp, and where she goes, trouble always follows."

"You're speaking of yourself, Q, not Guinan." So much for my amazing comeback.

"Guinan?" I tried. "Is that your name now?"

"Guinan is not the issue here; you are!" The one thing that really gets on my nerves about the Captain - other than that he's a stubborn, arrogant, by-the-book, possessive-of-his-ship non-entity - is that he has no patience.

"I agree, Captain. Enough about this creature. She's diverting us from the purpose of my being here." _'And the purpose of my kidnapping you and taking you out into the ends of the galaxy in a shuttlecraft,' _I added to myself.

"Which is?" asked a voice I recognized immediately.

"Ah, the redoubtable Commander Riker!" I announced with a grin. "And Micro-Brain! Growl for me, let me know you still care." He almost did, too. It was absolutely hilarious. In fact, I had this incredible urge to materialize a pail of water directly over his head and drench him, but I didn't think that would help my request. Save that prank for later. Instead, might as well tell them the truth. "My purpose is to join you."

"To join us as _what_?" Riker asked. I guess the question made sense to him; I'd previously tried to win command of the _Enterprise_ in a bet with her Captain.

"As a member of the crew, willing and able, ready to serve. This ship is already home for the indigent, the unwanted, the unworthy. Why not for a homeless entity?" Looking back, insulting the ship might not have been the best idea. Picard takes things like that rather personally.

"Homeless?" Riker asked.

"Yes."

"The other members of the Q continuum kicked you out."

"Not all Q are alike. Some are almost respectable."

"Ready and willing? Able to serve?" I could tell he was actually considering it. That was more than I'd originally hoped for. "What would you do? Hmm? Would you start as an ordinary crewman? What task is too menial for an entity?"

"Sir, do you mock me?" Useless question; I knew he was.

"Not at all; that's the last thing I would do." I'm often surprised by how easily humans lie. "You, by definition, are part of our charter; our mission is to seek out new and different life-forms, and you certainly qualify as one of the most unique I've ever encountered. To learn about you is frankly provoggative. But you're next of kin to chaos."

"Captain, at least allow me to present my argument." It was a shot in the dark. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd said no. But he dismissed the Klingon and looked at me expectantly. I explained. "After our last encounter, I was asked to leave the Q continuum." _That_ was putting it mildly. "Since then, I've been wandering vaguely, bored, really, my existence without purpose. Then I remembered all the good times I had here."

No one present really believed I'd been wandering vaguely. No doubt the others thought I was planning something. Truth be told, I was recovering. I hadn't been sent away from the Q continuum, as Riker guessed. I'd escaped.

"The _good_ times? The first time we met, you put us on trial for the crimes of humanity," Riker objected.

"For which you were exonerated." I was getting frustrated. Hadn't I already explained this to him?

"The next time we saw you, you asked me to join the Q continuum!"

"A big mistake that you didn't accept my offer." I think his mistake hurt me more than him, though. "More and more, I realize that here, here is where I want to be. Now, I neither expect nor require any special treatment, and, if necessary, although I can't imagine why, I will renounce my powers and become as weak and incompetent as all of you."

Guinan snorted. It would've been funny if I hadn't been focusing so hard on Picard. "No," he finally said.

"No?" I wasn't as surprised as I sounded. "Oh, captain, in fairness, let me try; I deserve at least that much."

Riker got all upset about my kidnapping Picard. "I add a little excitement, a little spice to your lives, and all you do is complain," I insisted. "Think, Picard, think of the possibilities."

"Simply speaking, we don't trust you."

Anyone would've known that. Picard doesn't trust _anybody_. "Oh," I said. I'd _told_ myself not to get my hopes up. Why hadn't I listened? "Well, you may not trust me, but you do need me. You're not prepared for what awaits you."

"How can we be prepared for that which we do not know? But I do know that we are ready to encounter it.

Baloney. He wasn't ready at all. And I knew it. "Really?"

"Yes, absolutely; that's why we're out here."

"Oh, the arrogance." I was amused now. Picard's funny when he's mad. "They don't have a clue as to what's out here."

"They will learn, adapt; that is their greatest advantage," Guinan insisted, as if we hadn't already figured that out. That was the whole reason we'd wanted Riker to become one of us in the first place.

"They're moving faster than expected, further than they should."

"By whose calculations?" the Captain demanded.

"You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you've encountered so far? The Klingons, the Romulans? They're nothing compared to what's waiting. Picard, you are about to move into areas of the galaxy with wonders beyond your imagining, and terrors to freeze your soul. I offer myself as a guide, only to be rejected out of hand."

It was my last try. If he wouldn't listen to that, he wouldn't listen at all.

"We'll just have to do the best we can without you," Riker said.

"What justifies that smugness?"

"No, not smugness, not arrogance," Picard insisted. "We are resolute, we are determined, but . . . . maybe we _could_ use your help."

* * *

Yeah! Q gets his chance! But what will he do with it?

Also, I need a little help. I do not watch Star Trek on a regular basis; we get two channels, neither of which shows Star Trek. My grandparents tape them, but they're all out of order. _Which _episode normally comes after this one?

Thanks.


	2. Q Puts the Crew in Danger

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine. Q is not mine. Drat.

* * *

Chapter Two

I grinned. "You will not regret this, Picard." Inside, I breathed a sigh of relief. This was the _last_ place the other members of the Q continuum would think of to look for me.

"I certainly hope not. Now, about your uniform . . ."

"Done, Picard." In a flash of light, I changed my clothing from that of a Starfleet Admiral to the form in which I had first appeared to the crew of the Enterprise, a seaman of Earth centuries ago. I got strange looks from all of them before I pointed out that Guinan wasn't wearing a uniform, either.

Commander Riker whispered somehting to the Captain and then turned to me with his goofy grin. Picard nodded. "Quite right, Number One. Well, Q, since you insist on following Guinan's example in this matter, you will be in her charge, follow her directions unless I say differently."

I sighed. My big mouth. Picard and Riker left, laughing, leaving the two of us alone.

I shrugged and tried to act casual. "I guess we're stuck with each other, Guinan."

"The Captain will be informed if you play any of your tricks, Q."

I sighed. She was the same as ever.

* * *

The first ting she did was put me to work serving drinks. It was easy enough. But not very interesting. And the crew seemed a little uneasy around me. To say the least.

I didn't understand it. I was the biggest help aboard this ship, and they had me in Ten-Forward serving drinks! Humans make no sense.

So I started juggling empty cups. Very, very stupid, but I was bored. I had ten or eleven going at one point. (I'd given myself a few extra arms to help out.)

Then, suddenly, Picard's voice sounded over the primitive communications device thing they have aboard their ship. "Q, report to the bridge!" He sounded a little panicy. I got rid of my extra arms and let the cups drop as I disappeared from the room. (Not a good idea, probably, considering the cups were made of glass. Oops.)

* * *

I reappeared on the bridge. Everyone was staring at the . . . viewscreen, I think is what they call it. I looked. I didn't have to. The presence of the others was enough to make me want to disappear again. The other members of the Q continuum had found me.

Before Picard cold say anything, everything disappeared in a flash of light. The ship was gone. Most of the crew was gone. Commander Riker, Troi, Dr. Pulaski, Data, Geordi, Worf, Wesley, Guinan, and I were alone on some planet. A forest.

Riker looked at me for an explanation. "This is not my doing," I assured him. I was trying hard to stay calm. I knew something was wrong.

"Take us back," Riker ordered.

Then I realized what it was. "I can't do that, Commander," I told him. "My powers . . . they're gone. For all intents and purposes, I am one of you."

* * *

Muahahahahahaha. Poor Q. Just wanted to be part of the crew, and now he's lost his powers. (sighs contentedly) Ah, such is life.

**Star Freak 15 – **Q's my favorite, too. Ever since . . . well, the first time I saw Encounter at Farpoint. My apologies for such a short chapter, but I had this history project that I left til the last minute . . .

**Yukki Okami – **Thanks for the tip about the library link. It doesn't look like the Borg are going to show up immediately, considering they are now stranded on some mystery planet without Captain Picard. That would be a pretty strange spot for the Borg to show up. :)

**Alara Rogers -- **Yes, he does seem to be in some pretty hot water with the rest of the Q continuum, huh? Hmmm . . . yeah, I think I'll leave the Pakleds out of this. But that _could _lead to some problems if Picard never makes it to his surgery . . . .


	3. The Crew Makes Some New Friends

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine. Q is not mine. This weird new planet and the inhabitants are.

Chapter Three

Guinan exploded. "You mean you can't do anything? I knew something like this would happen!"

Funny how she always knows something's going to happen right after it does.

Everyone was looking at me. "Do you know where we are?" Troi asked in what I think was an attempt to calm everyone down.

"No," I admitted. "We could be anywhere, anytime."

"Class M planet," Data observed. "Nitrogen, oxygen . . ." I tuned the android out as he rambled on about the atmosphere. And the gravity. And the trees. And basically said the place looked like Earth.

"Why would they send you away and then come to find you?" Riker asked. Worf was complaining that their phasers were gone. Geordi was fidgeting with his visor. I decided to help him; he was the only one trying to solve a problem instead of complaining about it.

"I don't understand; there's nothing wrong with it," he insisted.

I looked it over and nodded my agreement. It looked perfect. Well, as perfect as a primitive device like that could be. "You just can't see?"

"Blind as a bat."

He was handling it quite well. A lot of people would've panicked.

Before we could continue what passed as a conversation, however, there was a high-pitched shriek over our heads. "Look out!" called a voice from behind us. The others 'looked out' and ducked. I looked to see who had given the warning.

It was a girl, maybe a couple years younger than Wesley. But she wasn't alone. At her signal, some sort of bird call, seven others jumped out from behind the trees.

An arrow came whizzing out of the sky towards me. It barely missed my head. One of the newcomers aimed his bow at the sky. Another screech informed us that whatever it was was leaving.

One of the strangers stepped forward. My first thought was that if the other Q were trying for a wizard, they got it all wrong. The cape and the staff were right, but the beard was too short, and he had no pointed hat. From what I've read in the library computer that was aboard that shuttlecraft (that's what I was doing before Picard walked in) they were way off.

The old man looked us over quickly. He stopped at Guinan. "Welcome back," he said with a smile.

"Peter?" Guinan asked.

"Glad you remember. And good to see you're alive. When you transported up the last time, Latano had some doubts as to their medical technology.

"Wait," Riker interrupted. "Guinan, they know about us?"

Guinan nodded. "Don't worry, Commander; they understand about the Prime Directive."

Well, that's more than I could say about myself. If they find a planet where the government is killing civilians by the thousands, they're just supposed to sit back and watch it happen. Not that everyone always _does_, but they're _supposed _to.

"We have to find the Captain," Riker told Guinan. "Can these people help us?"

Guinan nodded. "If he's on this island, they'll find him."

"Island?" Wesley asked.

Guinan nodded again. "Pretty small, too. Shouldn't be too much trouble for them."

I stopped listening and looked the group over. Aside from Peter, only one looked like a human adult - a tall man with dark hair and light blue eyes. I tried not to react as I realized he was looking directly at me, as if he could see exactly who I was. I'm not sure which of us broke eye contact first.

The girl who had first yelled at us to 'look out' was standing back a ways, watching all of us. She had black hair, shoulder-length and scattered everywhere in no style whatsoever, and medium brown skin a little darker than Peter's, quite a bit darker than Eric's. Unlike Peter and Eric, who had swords hanging at their sides, she carried only a walking stick. (I decided very quickly that this was a fairly primitive culture, at least as far as technology went, even compared to humans.) She had dark blue eyes and glasses. As soon as she realized I was studying her, she just smiled and went back to studying the others with me, not bothered in the least. Not a human-like reaction at all.

The others weren't human. The crew of the _Enterprise_ most likely thought they were children, but I knew better. They were on equal grounds, in every way, with the others. Without a doubt, they were a different species.

One immediately caught my attention. He had brown hair and brown eyes, and always looked directly at whoever was talking. That was what caught my eye. He was constantly moving his head to adjust to who was talking, much faster than the others reacted with their eyes. I was a little confused until I realized Geordi was doing the same thing. The stranger was blind.

Next to him was another of his species who instantly reminded me of a Vulcan. Not in appearance - the height, the ears, the clothes, were all wrong, - but the emotionless, logical stare was the same - emotionless and logical. Which, of course, was unusual considering her appearance, a variety of contrasts. She had dark skin and very light blonde hair. She had a bright orange shirt and dark red pants. Like the others, she was only about four feet tall, but she was definitely no child.

The only one who may have been the age she looked was looking at us all suspiciously with dark blue eyes. She had long light brown hair which was probably what gave me a hint that she was young. Everyone else's hair was about shoulder-length, but hers had the same windblown and unkept look as the others'.

The last two stood together, silently observing everything. One had brown hair and brown eyes; the other had black hair and grey eyes. The first wore a combination of green and brown, the second a mix of black and grey.

Finally, Wesley asked the question we'd all been wondering, but the others had ignored even though Riker had mentioned it. "Guys, do you know where Captain Picard is?"

Riker nodded. "It's very important."

"We haven't seen anyone else like you here," Peter said, shaking his head. He glanced at the human teenager, who nodded. "But we may be able to help you find him."

* * *

**Jay-Trusedale–**Thank you. Gracias. Hannon le. Um. How else do I say thank you? I don't speak French too well. How _do _you say thank you in French, anyway? (ignores smirk from friend who speaks perfect French) Glad you like it. :)

**Alexandra Cai–**Hmmm. Futory. I like that. I'll have to suggest it as a new course. :) Right up there with Elvish and Chaos Theory. Not like it'll ever happen, but . . .


	4. Everyone Gets Confused

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine. Q is not mine. The planet they are on is. Wherever they eventually end up probably won't be. :)

* * *

Chapter Four

I understood at once. "Telepathy," I said.

The girl nodded. "If I can contact Athos, I'll be able to tell if he has your captain or not."

"As a hostage?" Riker was quite startled.

The girl nodded calmly. "Probably what happened. He automatically assumes anyone who looks out of place is a friend of ours." She seemed amused at the idea, and at Riker's reaction. So was I. It was obvious that was what had happened.

She closed her eyes for a moment, and nodded. "He found him wandering around the mountains. He's fine, aside from being a little disoriented. Athos says he's waiting for us."

"It's a trap, Morgan," Guinan warned, as if it weren't obvious.

"Obviously," Morgan nodded. "But what choice do we have?"

"Not much," she admitted. "But we shouldn't all go."

"Agreed," Peter said. "Morgan, Balo, Latano, you're with me. Commander Riker, Guinan, Q, Wesley, come with us. Everyone else, if we're not back in an hour, something happened. Eric?"

"Don't worry," the tall man with black hair assured him. "I can handle these guys."

"I'd like to come, too," Dr. Pulaski put in. "I'm a doctor; if he's hurt . . ."

"You got it," Peter nodded. "Let's go."

Latano, I soon learned, was the short one in black and grey. Balo was the youngest. I was soon informed that the blind one was Noka and Rona was the Vulcan-like one. The other was Tandro.

We started off down the path at a very quick pace. This sailor's outfit was getting uncomfortable, and the hat's feather was flopping in my face. I took the hat off and plopped it on Wesley's head. He looked a little annoyed but didn't take it off. Such a nice boy.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light. We were all in a forest. A different forest. Captain Picard was there, as well as another man I guessed was Athos.

"I wish they'd make up their minds," Guinan sighed.

For once, I agreed with her. Problems are easier to solve when they don't keep changing.

I know, I know, very short chapter. Couldn't help it. I have this big stupid English project due, and unfortunately my teacher wouldn't accept this as a true story. :)

* * *

**StarFreak15–**Thanks. Even though I currently have no idea what is going on, I hope it's still interesting. And I hope I come up with an idea soon so I don't have to keep you waiting too long. While I'm at it, I hope my dad wins the lottery and I hope my sister will stop complaining that Bush won the election. :) Can't hurt to hope.


	5. The Test

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine. Q is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"So where are we _now_?" Wesley asked.

His guess was as good as mine, but I wasn't going to tell him that. So I didn't say anything. Data went into his speech about the gravity and the atmosphere again, and again everyone tuned him out, except maybe Picard.

I looked around. The forest seemed to go on forever. We were in a small clearing.

I also looked Athos over quickly. Average small-minded humanoid, by the looks of him. Like the others, not much of anything to set them apart from a human, except maybe his hair, which was a mix of brown and black.

"Q?" Picard asked. "What is going on?" As if I was supposed to know. Just because we Q are immensely superior to humans does not mean we can solve all their puny little problems in the blink of an eye, even if we felt inclined to do so.

"Q, ever since you joined this crew, you've been nothing but trouble," Guinan accused. For goodness' sake! That had been all of what, an hour, at most? Give me a chance!

Suddenly, without warning, some kind of huge creature ran up. Riker told me later it was a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Not that I really cared much what it was, or that it was supposedly extinct, but apparently still exists on some other planet, thus confirming some old dead human's brainless theory that dinosaurs were capable of space travel.

Wesley panicked, ran. The dinosaur ran after him. Wesley tripped. I realized I was the only one close enough, fast enough to reach him in time. The others didn't have any weapons. Without my powers, the only thing I could do to save him was throw myself in the Tyrannosaur's way. So I did.

The dinosaur picked me up in its teeth. Pain swept through my body. I'd never really experienced pain before. Interesting how much of it humans can tolerate. I suppose they got used to it because they're constantly inflicting it on each other. Pathetic.

In any case, they're far more tolerant of it than I, that's one thing I'll give their puny little race. Not that I'll tell Captain Picard that. Anyway, it was only a few seconds before I - I believe humans would say - blacked out. Lost consciousness. Something of that nature.

* * *

When I . . . 'came to,' I think, is the phrase . . . I was back on the _Enterprise_, in their sick bay.

Immediately everything was clear. The other Q had learned I'd become a part of the _Enterprise _crew. They'd set this whole thing up to test my loyalty to my new 'friends.' I guess it worked because we were back. Athos and Morgan and their friends - I still don't know what they had to do with anything - were back on whatever planet they live on. Everyone's phasers were back. Geordi's visor was working fine.

"You okay, Q?" Guinan asked.

I snapped my fingers. Immediately a cup of water materialized and spilt all over Worf's head. Yes! My powers were back! I quickly healed my wounds from the dinosaur, as well as Wesley's ankle, which he had twisted when he fell.

To thank me for saving Wesley, the Captain informed me I could work in any part of the ship I wanted. So I decided to help Guinan in Ten-Forward. And whatever else they may need me to do.

And so, now that I'm done with this little log entry, which actually isn't such a bad idea, for puny humans who can't remember anything without saying it and having it repeated by a computer, I'm going to go help Guinan with some dishes.

* * *

Gollum: That was too short.

Smeagol: Give it a rest.

Gollum: But you didn't explain anything.

Smeagol: So?

Gollum: Who on earth are those weird humanoids? And why a T-Rex?

Smeagol: Because I felt like it. And even I don't know where I was going with those weird humanoids; I probably shouldn't have put them in there at all. That was your idea, wasn't it?

Gollum: Yes, but I thought you'd do something with them!

Smeagol: Maybe I will in the sequel.

Gollum: Sequel? You have got to be kidding!

Smeagol: Oh, no, precioussss isn't kidding.

Gollum: Oh, dear.

Athos: Why did you even ask what the next few episodes were? You didn't use anything from them!

Gollum: Hey, don't help.

Smeagol: Yeah, don't help.

Athos: (leaves)

Gollum: The sequel had better make more sense than this one! (leaves)

Smeagol: (sigh) No one understands me.

Catherine: How do you feel.

Pippin: Trapped, but happy. Which isn't too bad for the end of a musical comedy. (they leave)

Smeagol: What was that? (leaves)

* * *

**xWhit3staRx – **Thanks, I feel bad for Q, too. I really think Picard should've at least given him a chance. Hence this story. :)

**agtchill13 – **Oh, come on, is Q really that bad? :) Well, Picard was thinking what Q just proved – that he can be useful when he wants to be.

**Jack Sparrow Fanatic – **People hate Q? :) Let me at 'em, let me at 'em. :) Just kidding. My dad doesn't really care for him, and my mom doesn't like Star Trek at all, so her opinion doesn't count. :)


End file.
